October 22nd, 2024
The Trans, The Cat Lady and The Wide Tooth Comb
Target 7AM
While away in North Carolina for Maya’s college parents’ weekend, I woke at dawn to drop Scott off for an early round of golf. Between his tee time and my pickup time to get Maya to run some errands, I had a lot of time. I decided to go to Target to buy a wide tooth comb. I forgot my wide tooth comb at home, and if you have very curly hair like I do, you know that only a wide tooth comb can get out wild curly knots.
I arrived at Target right as the sliding doors opened and decided to go get a cup of coffee from the in-store Starbucks. The woman working the counter clearly did not believe in drinking coffee and moved a slow that only the south can claim normal. Out of the corner of the eye I spied the second customer to walk into Target, a 6 ft 3 woman in a pink tennis outfit. Her long, beautiful, shaved, smooth legs ended perfectly in bright men’s size 12 white tennis sneakers. Little white pom poms poked out from behind her taut achilles. Her build was just short of a quarterback with broad shoulders carrying a tight C cup under a little tennis shirt with a crisp collar up. Her long blond hair tucked up nicely in a ponytail with a big pink bow that bounced as she found the apples of her choice and placed them cheerfully in a reusable mesh bag. Her makeup and her respect for the earth were on point. She looked really put together for 7am, especially next to my uncombed three-day-old knotty curls. The only thing off was that her outfit was very 90’s, complete with a tennis bracelet.
I got my coffee and headed out into the open aisle of a new Target, letting my head rearrange my home store to navigate from produce to comb. At one point, I decided to get a ton of Halloween candy for Maya to put outside her dorm room. I picked the candies she liked the best and happily snatched the apple caramel lollipops that we always love this time of year. I searched and searched but couldn’t seem to find the perfect Halloween basket. It seemed all the Christmas stuff was already out. My search took me back to the front of the store where I thought I saw some pumpkins when I walked in. It was then that I overheard the pink tennis lady in the self-check-out lane talking to the only employee in sight, a 60-year-old female customer service employee.
Turns out the pink tennis lady had five kids. While she was in college at Brigham Young, her girlfriend got pregnant at 17. Then a he, she did the right thing by Mormon standards and married his girlfriend, dropped out of college, and quickly got his wife pregnant 4 more times. The customer service lady, very good at her job, was lobbing one interesting question after another, like “How did your children handle it when you decided to live so honestly?” and “Where did you get that gorgeous tennis bracelet?” I finally had to leave the row I was in because it had become obvious that I was just eavesdropping. I then went on to find a great big plastic pumpkin bowl and $100 worth of other things, thus fulfilling my target cover charge once again.
When I got to the car, however, I realized I did not remember to buy the comb, so I headed back in. There was still hardly anyone in the store, but the tennis lady was gone. The customer service woman stopped me and said, “I am sorry, I think you were going to ask me something before, can I help you?”
I told her my story, which paled in comparison to the tennis lady. She told me the aisle where I could find the comb. I thanked her and said, “You had such good questions for the woman you were talking to. You were so kind and respectful. I appreciated that.”
She said, “Well, I found her fascinating; you didn’t hear the half of it!”
Then she said, “You know I used to be in a very serious church community here. I was so committed to helping people and praising the lord. I really wanted to belong, but after a while, and once this election year heated up, it just seemed that they hated everyone who was not like them. I am not like that. I am one of those cat ladies. No children, no husband, two cats and open to learning new pronouns.”
I said, “Oh, wow! How did that land for you? The cat lady comments… I am so sorry.”
She said, “Well, you know, I have a master’s and a doctorate in early education, and I gave my life to helping children and teaching children, and then the system got crazy and toxic down here with all the mixing of church and school and church and state. Then I realized that my own community felt similar to Vance about me. I mean they agreed with him and told me so! So I just up and left. Five years in that church, baking casseroles, and I just put down my bible and walked out. I realized it was just a cult all along. I am working here just so I can stay out of it all. I’ve got to heal. Everyone comes through Target. Everyone is allowed here. It is better than that church I belonged to and kinder to kids trying to figure it out.”
You can take this any way you want, but this is what happens to me when I go out into the world, even in good old North Carolina. This is what shapes my views. This is why I love people. This is why every day is different, and I love to write. This is why I don’t understand why one person thinks they know what is right or wrong for another. People say, “You do you.” but then they don’t ask the hard questions, listen, or eavesdrop with love.
I am with the cat lady, the trans, and the other people who find shopping at 7 am a holy experience. I stand and vote with them.
